A Look at “The Five Languages of Apology” by Dr. Gary Chapman

 The first time I became acquainted with Dr. Gary Chapman’s writings was through his book “The Five Love Languages” shortly after its release.  Since then I kind of lost track of Dr. Chapman.  How was I to know he could be found on Twitter or Facebook seeing as I was on neither until recently.  So that’s how I lost track of him.  I ramble; my apologies.

So having recently re-read “The Five Love Languages,” I began looking for more of his books.  I found a very good book called “The Five Languages of Apology,” co-authored by Jennifer Thomas.

I’m not big on writing reviews, but think this is a book everyone should read, if one truly values relationships.

We will hurt or offend those around us and, therefore, need to be apologetic.  But have you noticed that sometimes when we apologize the other person reacts negatively?  Maybe we are using the wrong apology language.

Because every person is different we all have a different apology language and this book will help you discover the right language for the right person.

This book is written from a Christian perspective, yet the principles presented here may be viewed and applied universally.


A list of the “Five Apology Languages” with an example follow:

Apology Language #1 Expressing REGRET

I feel really bad that I disappointed you. I should have been more thoughtful.  I’m sorry that I caused you so much pain.


Apology Language #2 Accepting RESPONSIBILITY

I made a big mistake.  At the time, I didn’t think about what I was doing.  But in retrospect, I guess that’s the problem.  I wish I would have thought before I acted.  What I did was wrong.


Apology Language #3 Making RESTITUTION

I don’t feel right just saying “I’m sorry.”  I want to make up for what I’ve done.  What would you consider appropriate?


Apology Language #4  Genuinely REPENTING

I know that my behaviour was very painful to you.  I don’t ever want to do that again.  I’m open to any ideas you have on how I might change my behaviour.


Apology Language #5  Requesting FORGIVENESS

 I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you.  I didn’t know it was loud and harsh.  You didn’t deserve that.  It was very wrong of me, and I want to ask you to forgive me.


The remainder of the book looks at discovering your primary apology language and implementing it with a variety of relationships.

The final chapter contains a profile designed to help one discover their own apology language, and perhaps of those close to us.

I recommend this book to all who value their closest relationships.

“An apology is the superglue of life.  It can repair just about anything.”

Lynn Johnston




About John Van Vliet

Author of the soon to be released "The H'Rhophyan Chronicles", a Fantasy Adventure Serial.
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