Weekend Writing Warriors 3.24.13 #8sunday


Demeas finally catches up to the man he’s been hunting, and is surprised to find out it is someone close to him.


He felt a pain in his chest and noticed his blood stain the tunic where Faldron’s blade made contact. Faldron looked without emotion at Demeas with his black eyes, a slight tilt of his head revealed a sinister grin when Faldron noticed the blood. Demeas charged at Faldron with both blades slashing. Blades clashed and Faldron backed away from the older man’s onslaught. With each blow Faldron soon left his chest exposed allowing Demeas to kick Faldron throwing him against a tree that stopped his fall to the ground. Moving out into the open, Faldron retreated from Demeas’s continued assault. The colliding of metal rang out like a song as their conflict continued. Even in the cold, sweat beaded on each man’s brow.


Next week will be the last piece from this story.

Join us here and enjoy more excerpts from other Weekend Writing Warriors.


About John Van Vliet

Author of the soon to be released "The H'Rhophyan Chronicles", a Fantasy Adventure Serial.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized, Weekend Writing Warriors and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Weekend Writing Warriors 3.24.13 #8sunday

  1. historysleuth1 says:

    Next week is the last piece? Hope we find out who survived this one. Great action here.

  2. I can certainly see the fight going on in front of me from the terrific description. Excellent excerpt!

  3. Kate Warren says:

    If you don’t have it already, you might consider adding something about their breaths being visible in the cold. You could say it in a roundabout way, like the puffs of steam coming from their mouths at ever faster intervals.

  4. gzidar says:

    It sounds like the pair are evenly matched. I was easily able to visualise their combat Thanks for sharing.

  5. I want to thank everyone for dropping by and for your comments. They are always an encouragement.

  6. 🙂 “Even in the cold, sweat beaded on each man’s brow.” Wonderful contrast. Lots of action–a very good visual, John! Good eight. 🙂

  7. Exciting stuff, and generally well described, but the phrases “With each blow Faldron soon left his chest exposed…” seem contradictory to me, or at least clashing. When you start with the ‘With each’ I expect the conclusion to be something that happens a bit at a time, as in “With each blow Faldron left more of an opening…”, so in my opinion you should either go with that sort of sentence structure, or change the start into something like “As the blows rang out Faldron soon left his chest exposed…” That’s just my opinion, and take it with a few grains of salt.

    And thanks for sharing!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s